I Hate People

Today is a sad day in Toy Land. I shaved my moustache. I’ll explain further once I pull myself out of this pit of despair I’m in.

I gotta stop setting songs I really like as my ringtone. I’m missing WAY to many phone calls.

I think I finally understand why some people associate the mustache with gay men. I know that’s a bold sentence to lead with but take the time to follow my logic and I think you’ll see I’m not trying to make some stereotypical joke at the expense of gay dudes.

A while back I decided to keep my Movember ‘stach, and it’s only just now getting to a stage of respectability. However, despite the fact that it is quickly becoming very regal in appearance and majestic in form, I still encounter mixed reactions to it. While its too early to make any conclusions, I can say with confidence that women for the most part are not impressed. I have however found that there are two types of women: those who are vehemently opposed to my badge of masculinity and those who can tolerate it. Without a doubt though, there are very few women who get genuinely revved up for a mustache the way some do for the more common displays of facial manliness: The Close-Cropped Beard or Stubble. For women a mustache is just a mustache; its nothing more than an accessory akin to a purse, or shoes, or those feathers that someone has tricked ladies into thinking look good in their hair. Women look at a mustache as something that has a finite lifespan, something that one eventually grows tried of when it goes out of style, only to run out and find something else to fill that void.

What women don’t understand is that once a man makes the conscious decision to join the esteemed ranks of other mustachioed gentlemen, who have lived with distinction over the decades, he quickly forms an intense bond with his lip warmer that is hard to describe to anyone who does not wear one. When I do receive compliments on my mustache, which I assure you is often, it is almost exclusively from other men. My point isn’t that I think these men have been gay, and most likely warm to my form, though statistically one or two probably were, which is great because it’s nice to know that I’m found attractive across the board; my point is that it takes a man to truly appreciate the commitment and dedication required to grow and maintain a mustache. It’s not so much a compliment as it is a nod of respect.

I hope now the logic behind my original statement is clear. Its not about the differences in what men or women find attractive, its that men have a greater appreciation for the mustache which allows them to see the man behind it; all women can focus on are the crumbs that may or may not be left over from my lunch. I wear my mustache with pride because I refuse to let womankind dictate what masculinity is, and because I think it looks kick-ass on me, so fuck you if you don’t like it. 

I ran my first triathlon today, holy hell it was tough. It was an off road one, which I thought would be cool, until I started on the bike course and had to spend more time skirting trees and rocks than doing any actual riding. Either way, thank god that’s over, I can dial down the training for a bit.

It’s funny how for two weeks every four years, people can’t help but pretend they know everything about sports which normally, no one gives a shit about. For instance, gymnastics seems to be all the rage this year, probably because the US had a halfway decent team for once. During the Olympics the unwashed masses know every event, both male and female, and who all the favorites are; everyone you talk to has an intimate knowledge of how routines are scored, such that they’re pretty sure all the judges have no fucking clue what’s going on; and it’s only the time you’ll ever hear someone use the term “back tuck” instead of “back flip”. This shit bothers me because once the Olympics end it’s suddenly not cool to be interested in sports like gymnastics any more.

I did gymnastics competitively for 12 years, and during that last couple I competed at the national level. When I stopped training I started coaching, and I even tried my hand at judging once or twice (it’s really not as easy as some people like to think, mainly because there’s no reply). In any case, here comes the piss-off: 2 weeks ago if I happened to tell someone all this shit about myself, I would get a slew of relatively informed questions, which is great. However, if I told someone today that I used to do gymnastics they won’t ask how hard an Iron Cross is or what my best event was; today they would chuckle and ask whether I used the ribbon or ball for my floor routine. Really? One day gymnastics is awesome and the next, every guy that does it is gay by association? Make up your minds.

Been in florida for the past few days, hence the lack of posts. I’m flying home this afternoon, but not before I get my hands on some greasy American fast food, I’m thinking 5 Guys.

You know whats a huge dick move, reblogging someone’s shit then making their mildly humorous comment look like your own.

This was a little off-putting, but I somewhat expected it from a shitty humor/meme blog. Then I realized that the rabbit hole went further …

What the fuck people? It wasn’t even that funny of a joke, but it was my fucking joke, you unoriginal pieces of shit. Have some decency.

Why is it that people feel the need to order everything on the fucking menu from drive-thrus at 1 in the morning? I just want to get a goddamn Burger and go home.

Fuck, catching up on an entire day of Tumblr is rough business, and I don’t even follow that many people. 

I fucked up with the data usage on my phone this month, so long story short, I won’t be updating my blog a whole lot for the next week or so.

I could really go for some fucking Taco Bell right now.

Frying bacon topless is the ultimate extreme sport.

12 hour shift today. I’m not happy about this.

I drank a Pepsi Max today for the first time. It tasted like shit; give me regular Pepsi or give me death.