The Green Hornet: A Critical Analysis of a...
I watch a lot of movies, and I consider myself somewhat of a cinephile. If you’re unfamiliar with this term it means essentially the same thing as audiophile or pedophile, except instead of loving music or little boys, I love movies. I can sit though most any genre, though some are tougher than others, like rom-coms or foreign films. This is not to say that I don’t know the difference...
Dear Rob Dyrdek, Daniel Tosh called, he wants his show back.
Yoko Ono is a Silly Bitch
My new favorite thing is Yoko Ono’s twitter. This bitch tweets the craziest shit. Check out this gem from a few days ago: “Whisper your desire to the wind. Ask the wind to take it to the end of the world.” What did you tell Wind to do, Yoko?! The east coast just got their shit all fucked up thanks to your goddamn whisperings.
Why I Like the Word Cunt
If there is one profanity that everyone, almost unanimously, decided not to use in all but the worst circumstances (except for British people), it would be cunt. I don’t know what it is, but if you drop the C-Unit into normal conversation you will most definitely get death stares from anyone in earshot. But why? I liberally use “fuck” most every day, except around family,...
What a Fucking Idiot
So apparently Megan Fox is getting her Marilyn Monroe tattoo removed because she doesn’t want the negative aspects of the late star’s life affect her. Firstly, chill the fuck out, it’s a tattoo not some sci-fi mind control implant. Secondly, it’s not like people are just now discovering how fucked up she was; if you rolled Lindsey Lohan and Paris Hilton into one slutty,...
Turn Down That Racket
Dear Apparently Deaf Drivers, I get it, you think you’re really cool and hip and you only listen the best music. But let’s be real, if I can hear that shit over the ambient noise of the open road and my own sterio, it’s too fucking loud. Not to mention that all I can hear are the repetitive bass and cymbal lines, which are arguably the most annoying parts of that shitty...
Things That Brighten My Day
It’s makes me really happy when I see someone riding a bike, who obviously doesn’t do this on a regular basis, try to peddle up a steep hill. They apparently have no idea what the purpose of gears are, because their legs are barely moving. It’s not hard to see that it well only be a matter of time before they admit defeat, hop off their bike, and walk up the hill with their head hung low in shame.
Dear Pretentious Gamers, Yes video games have, for the most part, gone mainstream, but that doesn’t make it cool to sit around in your underwear all day, weigh 300 pounds, or shit talk some kid who’s just trying to have fun. Don’t get me wrong I enjoy berating little shits via blue tooth as much as the next guy, but that’s just for kicks. And not to mention funny for...
Close But No Cigar
Today I almost had my faith restored in the common person. I returned to a coffee shop because almost 30 minutes ago I had left a full bottle of lemonade sitting on a table. I entered to see a young couple sitting at the table though my lemonade was still there and looked untouched. I explained myself to then and they happily let me take the bottle of lemonade. Just when I think all is well and I...
I hate people that talk on the phone while taking a piss and/or shit. You make it awkward for everyone else that’s trying to do their business. Not only that, but if I were on the other end of that line and knew what your were doing while you carried on a conversation with me, I’d be fucking irate.
It is the invariable habit of bureaucracies, at all times and everywhere, to...– H.L. Mencken
I'll pass on the chicken soup, my soul had a big...
Dear Self Help Nuts, Life’s hard huh? Let me guess, your boy friend left you? Your kids hate you? You hate your job? You eat took much? Well you know what would really help? A book by someone with none of those problems, or even better a book by someone who also used to be sad and pathetic. Because everyone is the same, so you can just do whatever they did and poof, problem solved....
Why No One Trusts Public Health Care
http://www.canada.com/health/Woman+writes+obituary+over+year+wait+obesity+surgery/5181518/story.html I came across this story about a 375 pound woman, Lillian Coakley, who’s all distraught because she might have to wait 10 years for some type of weight loss operation. She even went so far as to write her own obituary, which had garnered her some attention and why she is more than just another...
The college idealists who fill the ranks of the environmental movement seem...– P.J. O’Rourke
You Sir, are a Shitty Person
Dear Self-Entitled Assholes, Who the fuck do you think you are? What makes you think you can just park any where you’d like when there are no “good” spots left in the lot? Parking lots are designed a certain way, with a finite number of spots in particular positions, for a fucking reason. Without that organization it would be fucking vehicular chaos. It’s disgusting to think that you are so...
My Ears Are Burning
Dear Low Talkers, The world we live in is a loud abrasive place, so use your big boy (or girl) voice and speak the fuck up. I’m sure you’re a real big hit at the library or a golf tournament, but the rest of the time it would be great if I didn’t have to ask you to repeat yourself 3 to 4 times. It would also be a real treat if I didn’t need to lean in, to the point that...